This picture is so bad that I've impressed myself.
Third Grade elementary school was rough. Check out the picture on the left and you’ll understand why. I can identify a number of things I see wrong with this specific picture, which you can assume was representative of my fashion of choice back then.
1. Bowl cut. I don’t know if Mom actually used an upturned bowl to acheive this particular look, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she had.
2. Glasses - wow.
3. Floral print.
4. Shoulder pads. The 80’s were not kind.
I think I need the orthodontic braces with headgear to top off this picture. Oh, but I did have “sport goggles” that my Dad made me wear during P.E. classes so I wouldn’t hurt my eyes during Tether Ball or Wall Ball. Classmates often asked, “Hey Kolina, why are you wearing goggles? Are you swimming?” before scampering away in a fit of giggles. Not that I’m bitter or anything. (I love you too, Dad!)
In any case, you can imagine the nicknames that might stem from this particular picture. To top that off, my Taiwanese friend’s dad called me “Gorilla” inadvertantly but regularly; my frienemies had a field day with that one—elementary school kids are vicious these days! :( But no worries, we’re all good friends now and we’re going on a cruise together later this month… where they should watch out that they don’t “accidentally” slip overboard. (Just kidding, guys! Maybe.)
15 years later, those name-calling still hasn’t really let up. Arden recently came up with “Currynuts” (???), and, much to my chagrin, he’s also gotten our other mature and working-professional friends tickled pink by words to which they can attach my name—namely, words that end in -cle, -kle, -co, -ko, or just plain -k or -c. Examples include:
- Cankolina, because I apparently lack ankles and instead, have me a pair of some massive cankles;
- Unkolina, what my nieces and nephews should call me if I were male;
- Tinkolina, when I tinkle;
- Porkolina, when I was sick—allegedly from the infamous Swine Flu;
- Arkolina, when I get gas, presumably at ARCO; and
- Khlorina; when I swim.
A cookie for whoever comes up with a good one, though I think you’ll have a hard time beating my personal favorite: Simon&Garfunkolina
Circa 1990
